The other day, my boss said that his son’s split from his ex was about eight years start to finish. Eight years before the harassment stopped. Eight years until they could finally relax and breathe. I have a solid six, almost seven years to go and with everyday I believe this eight year theory more and more.
The last few weeks, I thought my relationship with my son was growing. He was coming every weekend for several hours and we would talk once or twice a week. That all came to a screaming halt about a week ago.
It was a week ago that my ex was sent an agreement from my lawyer. He had messaged me asking about a divorce, which is amazing. I have sent him several agreements and not one has come back signed. This time he stated he used the formula (which is the government formula) and he is willing to pay that, he doesn’t foresee his income changing so it is a good time. I said I will get my lawyer to prepare the documents, with the instructions that she use the formula for child support. I am not willing to accept less since I waived alimony. The agreement came back and imagine that, the formula was higher than the number he had given me. I instructed her to send it as is.
He receives the agreement and emails me asking why it was different than what he said. I replied with we used the formula with the income that you provided us last, if that has changed let me know we can fix it. No response, which makes me believe that he is actually making a lot more than he stated. I don’t go to him for the extras which I could, when we do power skating I don’t ask for his share, I just pay it. Extra medical bills, I just pay. The only extra he has is the hockey fees which we share. Additionally, you have to supply the courts with an income tax return, so not sure how he thought he making false statements would go unnoticed when it went before a judge. Anyways, I heard nothing from him again. A few days letter, I start getting bombarded with texts from my son. Mostly accusing me of breaking dad so bad that he is going to be living on the streets, and every month I am asking for $1,000 more, and on and on and on. All of which is false, 100% complete bull shit.
I gave my son a few days to cool off and tried to talk to him last night, which I was met with anger still. He is not going to talk to me, he is going to treat me like the girls treat dad. What is so frustrating about this, is the girls have asked for very specific things from their dad to start building a relationship, all if which he has denied. I explained that dad for one person has as much income as me and four kids after paying child support. All met with deaf ears.
My son, has never been treated as the girls have. He has never been met with anger and being treated as property. This is an example of how strong the manipulation of my ex is, this is his tactic. Degrade me, make me look as bad as he possibly can until I cave and give into him. I think his new love is the same person he is, which makes it all so much worse. Feeding off each other. My son has never hid from his dad when he was angry like my youngest. My son has never felt like his dad was “creepy” like my middle daughter. And my son has never feared for what life would be like if I wasn’t around like my oldest daughter. He has experienced none of that. He tells my oldest daughter that she is creating division in the family, everything is my fault and what she has witnessed is wrong, but her brother on the other hand is able to make his own decisions because he is older. And he can speak to his mom however he wants. I am wondering if this has gone on for years, my son has always had a tendency to treat me as his father had, I thought it was modelled behaviour but I now wonder if there has always been this dynamic behind my back.
My ex and his family have enough money to drown me in legal fees. Yet, my ex has fired his lawyer and self represents. He has not taken me to court to force the girls to go with him, but goes to social media for his poor me sob story. To me, it speaks volumes of him not actually wanting his daughters, just wanting the attention. The love of being a victim. If he believed that he had a chance of custody as he has threatened, why has it never happened? Or does he know he has messed up? Does he believe that his new woman is a danger to his daughters? Regardless, I am so sick of this. This time I will not back down, I will not be the doormat or his punching bag.
My relationship with my son will suffer for a time. I only hope that in time he will come around. Maybe six or seven years from now.