Caution: Venting

So many times I try to get through this calmly and to treat him with respect. But then there are days like this where it’s all I can do to not chew him a new assh*le. So here is what I would love to say, but never will.

I am so sick of you just checking out. Glad you are enjoying single life. Post all the pics you want about being father of the year. But then if you are such an amazing dad right now, why don’t talk to them at all in between visits? Why do you feel the need to claim that I’m hurting your relationship with them? Not sure what I should say to our daughter when she says that she feels like dad acts as though he isn’t responsible for us anymore. And it’s like he is just throwing his life away, and doesn’t care anymore. I don’t have many responses for that, what should I tell them?

Your daughter is sick. Why are you bragging about your new truck when you call? Guess what? She doesn’t care, she wants to know her dad still gives a shit. She wants to have a normal day at school. She wants to play hockey and go out with friends. It kills me to know how angry she is with you, and you continue to push her away. She literally has been laying in bed for a month. Day in. Day out. She sent you a Christmas list because she has nothing to do. Why the F would you tell her she’s demanding? What the hell is wrong with you? You know how much it hurts my heart to hear her ask me to get full custody of her? How sick of you she is, and how she doesn’t think you’d care anyways. My job is to support a relationship with you and your kids. Why do you have to make it so f@cking hard??

I want to tell you how upset I get when our littlest one says she doesn’t tell dad about fun things we do because she knows dad will just get mad at me. When she cries and asks why he’s so mad at her? Yeah. I don’t know kid. I’ve been trying to fix this for years. And I don’t have words, so we just sit there and cry together and I reassure her that dad loves her, he’s just going through a bad time right now. But are you? Or you just being a selfish jerk?

I’m so tired of hearing how you have so much pain. I have caused you so much pain blah blah blah. Horse shit. We are all going through a lot. Take a step back. Pull your head out of your ass and breathe the fresh air. This isn’t easy for anyone. We are all going though a lot of pain right now. Recognize and understand that for your kids. Not for me. They want to know you care.

And this new truck. I swear to god I have dreamt about running you over in it. You bitch to me about $140 winter boots for the kids but you can buy a brand new truck. Take on a new payment that you didn’t have before. Tell me that you’re broke and the child support I’m asking for is too much but then proceed to buy a new truck. Take on a what… $800 a month truck payment to save $100 on gas?? Wtf? You don’t drive the kids to anything, quit with the bull shit material things. None of it will make you feel better.

I’m so sick and tired of the threatening messages. Sorry I had to call the cops, but you just don’t seem to get it. You can’t scare me with intimidation anymore. You don’t own me. And I’m not afraid. I have had enough of your bull shit.

You know how much it hurts to know that the woman you chose to sleep with. Your coworker. The one who chose to send death threats to me, it hurts to know you still work side by side with her. Not angry that she has done what she did. Not that she has put your family through way more shit than anyone ever deserves. You don’t care. It sucks knowing that I obviously didn’t mean f$ck all to you. All those years I tried to be better, just so we could be happy. Makes no sense to me how you can be so cold, we are not the same.

I just keep hoping that you’ll get what you gave. And I think it’s likely the best thing for you.